How to Tell Your Family You’re Eloping

Deciding to elope is exciting—it means you’re choosing to get married in a way that feels true to you. But if you’re like a lot of couples, one of the hardest parts of planning an elopement isn’t picking a location or writing your vows—it’s telling your family you’re eloping without them.

Whether you know your people will be supportive or you’re anticipating mixed emotions, this guide will walk you through how to tell your family you’re eloping with clarity, kindness, and confidence.

First, Let’s Talk About the Guilt (Because It’s Real)

It’s totally normal to feel a twinge of guilt when choosing a more private or nontraditional path—especially if your family expected a big wedding. But your wedding day should be about your love story, not managing everyone else’s expectations. Saying “we’re eloping” isn’t about excluding your loved ones. It’s about honoring your values, your relationship, and your vision for what getting married should feel like.

Be Honest, Direct, and Loving

When it comes time to tell your family you’re eloping, honesty is always the best approach. Share your decision clearly, and frame it around your why—why this feels right for you as a couple.

Here’s a simple way to say it:

“We’ve decided to elope! We realized we really want something intimate and personal—just the two of us, somewhere meaningful. It’s a decision that feels deeply aligned with who we are.”

The more confident and calm you are in sharing your decision, the more likely they are to respond positively.

Tell Them Before the Elopement (If Possible)

Telling your family before your elopement shows that you respect and value them—even if they’re not invited to be there physically.

It gives them time to process the news and understand that this wasn’t a decision made lightly or in secret. It also helps avoid hurt feelings that can come from finding out after the fact.

*If you're eloping soon and haven't told anyone yet, don't panic. It's never too late to have an open, heartfelt conversation.

Acknowledge Their Emotions

Even if you’re 100% sure eloping is the right decision, your family might feel sad, surprised, or even disappointed. That’s okay. Give them space to feel what they feel—while also gently reminding them this isn’t about rejection, it’s about authenticity.

You might say:

“I know this might be hard to hear, and it’s not what you expected. But I want you to know this decision doesn’t change how much we love you or value your role in our lives.”

Acknowledging their feelings can go a long way in helping them come around to your choice.

Offer Ways for Them to Be Involved

Just because you’re eloping doesn’t mean your loved ones have to be left out. You can still include them in meaningful ways:

• Ask for letters or video messages to read before or after your ceremony

• FaceTime them after you say your vows

• Host a post-elopement celebration later

• Share photos or video soon after your elopement

• Let them help plan (only if they’ll respect your wishes—more on that here)

These small gestures can turn their sadness into excitement—and help them feel included even from afar.

Remind Them: It’s Not a Goodbye—It’s a Beginning

At the heart of it, your elopement is a beginning—a sacred, intentional step into a new chapter with your person. If your family truly loves and supports you, they’ll want that day to reflect who you are and what matters most to you.

With time, honesty, and compassion, they’ll often come to appreciate the beauty in the simplicity of your choice.

How to Announce an Elopement After the Fact:

If you’ve already eloped or are planning to keep it 100% private until after the fact, here are a few kind and celebratory ways to announce your elopement:

• Send custom elopement announcement cards with your favorite photo

• Post a wedding highlight video on social media with a heartfelt caption

• Host a celebration dinner and surprise them with the news

• Write a personal letter or email explaining why you chose to elope

Final Thoughts

Telling your family you’re eloping can feel hard—but it’s also an opportunity to show them who you are, what matters to you, and how deeply you care about creating a wedding day that reflects your relationship.

You’re not doing this to shut anyone out—you’re doing it to step into your marriage with intention, clarity, and joy. And that is something worth celebrating.

Planning to Elope in Wisconsin (or beyond)?

I’m a Madison-based elopement photographer who helps couples plan and capture intimate, meaningful wedding days across Wisconsin—from the bluffs of Devil’s Lake to cozy cabins and scenic overlooks.

Whether you want to elope with just the two of you or include your people from afar, I’m here to help you create a day that feels like you—no pressure, no expectations, just love.